


Another Girl In His Room

by my_mad_fatuation



Series: A Boy In Her Room [5]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 06:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8833192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: After their breakup, Rae and Finn try to be friends again.





	

There was another girl in his room.

_Denise_.

Rae had seen her walk into Finn’s bedroom with him moments ago. She wasn’t his tutor anymore—he’d gotten a new one when they started dating. Rae secretly hoped his new tutor would break them up, the way she felt that Denise had indirectly broken him and Rae up, but it turned out his new tutor was a guy. (Though she still held out hope.)

Not that she was jealous. She couldn’t be jealous of Denise, because she was with Charles now, and had been for a couple of months.

It was an adjustment at the beginning. She had to get used to going over to his place all the time, since she’d have felt weird parading him in front of Finn. (Not that Finn had a problem parading Denise in front of her now.)

She’d even gotten used to Charles’ housemate, _Gavin_. (Ugh.) He still called her Bessie, but she called him Fuckwad, and they just sort of went about their business.

Everything was good with Charles, though. He seemed to be fine that the only things he and Rae did together were watch TV shows and have sex. They would also sit quietly in the same room on their respective computers for hours at a time. He didn’t ask for anything more from her, and she didn’t ask any more of him.

But seeing Denise follow Finn into his room bothered her anyway. And it didn’t make her feel better when Chop turned up the television pre-emptively. She decided to just head next-door for the evening.

“Hi,” Charles said when he answered the door, looking confused to see her.

“Hi,” she replied. She rubbed her arms with her hands since she wasn’t wearing a jacket.

“I didn’t realize we were hanging out tonight,” he said as he stepped aside to let her in. “I thought you had a quiz tomorrow.”

“I do,” she said. “But I thought I’d come say hi anyway.”

“All right,” he said. “Hi.”

She didn’t say anything else as she led him up the stairs to his room.

“Sorry about the mess,” he said as he kicked a pile of laundry into the bottom of his closet. “If I had known you were coming I would have clean—”

“I just feel so vindicated right now, you know?” she interrupted, pacing back and forth.

“No, I don’t…”

“He’s sleeping with the pretty tutor now, did you know that?”

Charles shook his head. “Who, Finn?”

“Yeah, can you believe it?” Rae continued. “I mean, he acts like it was my fault we broke up, yet here he is jumping in the sac with the first pretty thing to walk by, and—”

“It’s been two months, Rae. You had to know he was going to date again eventually,” he said. “Besides, you barely waited a week.”

“Are you on his side, or something?”

“Of course I’m not; I’m on your side. You know that.” He came up to her and hugged her to keep her from pacing. “I’m always on your side, all right?”

“Yeah, all right.”

He hooked his finger under her chin and lifted her head so he could kiss her. It was strange for her to kiss someone taller than her—she wasn’t used to craning her neck, even though it was just a little.

She let him slip his tongue into her mouth, which she only did now when she wanted to have sex. (It tended to him excited, because he knew what it meant.) She wasn’t entirely sure if it was what she actually wanted in that moment, though, or if she was only going to do it because Finn was doing it.

She stopped kissing Charles when she heard Gavin and his girlfriend in the next room, however.

“What is it?” Charles said, looking concerned.

Rae looked towards the wall he shared with Gavin’s room and grimaced.

He sighed, went over to the wall, and started pounding on it. “Keep it down in there!” he called out.

“Fuck off!” Gavin yelled back.

“You know what,” Rae said to Charles when he started pounding on the wall again, “I’m really tired… Can we just go to sleep?”

He looked confused at her for a moment. “Yeah. Sure.”

She turned on the lamp next to the bed and got in.

“You want to sleep here?” he asked, surprised.

“Is that okay?” she said. “I just don’t want to be over there right now.”

“No, yeah, it’s fine,” he said before turning off the main light. He started to take off his jeans, so Rae took off hers under the covers as well, and he climbed into bed next to her.

She felt a little strange when he put his arm around her. She’d never literally slept with him before, and she suddenly realized how weird it was to be in his bed like this. “’Night,” she said, and turned off the bedside lamp.

He kissed the back of her shoulder as he hugged her. “’Night, Rae.”

***

When Rae woke up, she and Charles had completely turned around, making her the big spoon now. She was hoping she could just get up and leave without him noticing, but he was holding onto her hand quite tightly, and when she pulled on it, he stirred. He rolled over to face her as he pried his eyelids open.

“Hey,” he said groggily.

“Hi,” she replied, tracing lazy circles on his chest with her finger as he still held her hand close.

“Hi.” He kissed her and pushed her hand down the front of his boxers.

“I don’t really have time for this right now,” she said, withdrawing her hand.

He picked up his phone off the bedside table to check the time. “Your class isn’t for another two hours.”

“Yeah, but I need to do some last-minute revision for the quiz.”

“Okay…” He gave her another quick kiss before letting her go.

They got dressed and headed downstairs, where Gavin was eating breakfast in the lounge.

“Hey, Bessie’s here,” he said with his mouth full of cereal. “Did you sleep over? That is so adorable.”

“Piss off, Fuckwad,” she replied as she walked past briskly.

“So, I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” Charles said to her when she got to the front door.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” she said. “Later.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and left.

***

After showering and getting changed into fresh clothes, Rae packed up her school stuff and went to catch the bus. It was an hour earlier than the bus she would usually catch for this class, but she wanted some time to study in the library beforehand.

She had forgotten, however, that it was the bus that Finn caught to get to his class until she saw him waiting at the stop. She noticed he was alone, though.

“Hi,” she said as she approached.

“Hi,” he said in reply, glancing at her briefly.

“Where’s Danielle?” she asked, pretending to have forgotten the pretty tutor’s name.

“You mean Denise?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

“She left a while ago,” he said.

“She stayed the night, then?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Pardon?”

“Chop says you stayed out all night.”

“I wasn’t _out_ , I was next-door,” she said.

“That’s my point,” he said. “If you can have _sleepovers_ , then so can I.”

“Okay, I wasn’t saying… Fine. Have sleepovers with whoever the fuck you want.”

“Look, Rae, can we just… Can we be civil, please?”

“What?”

“I’d like us to get along,” he added. “I’d like us to be friends again.”

“Oh.” She was legitimately surprised. “I guess… we can… If you want…”

“I’d like that.” He smiled at her for a second.

“So would I.”

***

“How was your quiz?” Finn asked Rae as they sat down for lunch between his classes.

“Um, it was all right, I think,” she said. “There were a couple questions where I sort of guessed the answer, but I think I did well on the rest of it. It was multiple choice so it wasn’t too difficult if you did the readings, you know?”

“That’s… good, yeah,” he said awkwardly.

“You didn’t really need that much detail, did you?” she added. “I could have just said, ‘Fine.’”

“No, it’s all right, you can tell me things,” he said. “I asked you to have lunch with me so we could talk, so it’s good you’re talking.”

“Did you want to talk about something in particular?”

“Not exactly. It’s just, we haven’t really talked in a couple months and… I missed ya.”

“Oh…”

“I think the fact that you’ve been avoiding me is the hardest part of this whole thing,” he said.

“I haven’t been avoiding you…”

“Well, I sure don’t see you very often.”

“That’s because you said we were done,” she said. “That was your choice.”

“No, Rae, you’re the one who said you couldn’t be all in with me. I was willing to forgive your ‘accidental’ kiss if you were willing to commit to me fully, but you weren’t.”

“Is this why you asked me to have lunch with you? So you could blame everything on me?”

“Ugh, no, this just… It’s gotten out of hand,” he said. “Can we start over?”

“Please.”

He took a deep breath. “How was your quiz?”

“Fine.”

***

“Just ‘fine’?” Charles asked as he and Rae sat down on his sofa to eat pizza and watch a film.

“Yeah, it was fine,” she said, picking up a slice.

“Usually you’re more verbose than that.”

“I don’t feel all that _verbose_ today, I guess.”

He stopped and looked at her, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“I, uh, I ran into Finn today,” she said.

“Well, you do live with him.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been doing a good job of avoiding him for the past several weeks. Only today I ran into him at the bus stop and he said he wants us to be friends.”

“Oh,” he said. “Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know. I guess it would make things less weird around the house.”

“Yeah.”

“But also, he told me something that just rubbed me the wrong way, and now I’m mad at myself, via him.”

“What was it?” he asked.

She heaved a sigh and set her pizza back into the box so she could take a drink of water first. “Basically, this whole time I thought we broke up because I fucked up and kissed you, but it turns out we broke up because I’m just a fundamentally horrible person,” she said.

“What? He said that?”

“Not in those words, but…”

“You’re not a horrible person, Rae,” he said.

“How else do you explain that I couldn’t be all in with him when I love him so much?”

“You love him?”

“I mean ‘loved,’ past tense!”

He grimaced a little. “I still don’t really want to hear about how much you loved him.”

“Oh, jeez, sorry!” she said. “See? I’m fundamentally horrible.”

“Rae, you’re not—” He stopped when he heard the front door open.

“Well, if it isn’t Farmer John and Bessie,” said Gavin as he walked into the lounge. He took a seat next to Charles and picked up a slice of pizza.

“What do you want?” said Charles.

Gavin leaned back with his arm across the top of the sofa. “Can’t a guy just come and say hi to his two best friends?”

“Fuck off,” Rae said when he squeezed her shoulder.

“This is my house, too, you know,” he said, grabbing another slice as he stood up. “But I’ll just go to my room if I’m that much of a bother…”

“You are,” she said.

“Next year I think I’m going to find a flat on my own,” Charles said once they heard Gavin’s door close. “So we won’t have to deal with him anymore.”

_We_ , she thought. He was talking like they would still be together in six months, in a year, in who knows how long he was thinking?

There was one thing she knew; if she wasn’t capable of being all in with Finn, she certainly couldn’t be all in with Charles.

***

“But this is a _common space_ ,” she said between frantic kisses.

“No one’s around,” he replied as he held her firmly on his lap. “It’s fine.”

She let his tongue into her mouth as she kissed him and she could feel his excitement between her legs.

“I love you, Rae,” he whispered into her ear before kissing the side of her neck.

“I love you, too, Finn.”

***

Rae hadn’t had a dream like that about Finn since they broke up, but she tried not to read too much into it, even though it was one of her more vivid dreams. She kept thinking about it all day, though, and just hoped she wasn’t constantly blushing, as it had gotten quite raunchy.

She even thought about it during her regular Sunday night bath, and figured it was as good a time as any to do something about it. (Or it would have been if the lock on the bathroom door weren’t broken, which she had forgotten about.)

She was nearly done when the door flew open and Finn came barging in and headed straight for the toilet.

“Jesus, Finn! Can you knock?” she said, trying to cover herself with bubbles.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he said quickly as he pulled down his trousers and sat down.

“Are you taking a shit right now?” she asked incredulously.

“No, I just really have to piss, but I figured I’d sit so you wouldn’t have to see the stream.”

“Oh jeez! Why couldn’t this wait five minutes?”

“I drank like a whole litre of lemonade, for some stupid reason,” he said while he went. “Would you rather I piss myself?”

“Yes!” she said.

“Well, I’m here now. And by the way, I can see through your bubbles.”

“Ugh!” She tried to cover herself with her arms as best she could.

“It’s no big deal, I’ve seen it all before.”

“Oh my god, just hurry up and leave!”

“I’m trying, there’s just a lot in here,” he said. He looked at her for a moment and squinted. “Your face is really pink. Were you… having a little rub-a-dub-in-the-tub time?”

“No!” she snapped. “The water’s just warm, that’s all.”

He looked like he didn’t believe her, raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, fuck off,” she said, though she had to try not to laugh at the expression on his face.

“I’m almost done, I promise,” he said.

“This is sort of like that scene in _Austin Powers_ ,” she added.

He chuckled a little. “Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to concentrate here.”

“Sorry.”

He let out a sigh of relief when he finally finished, and she covered her eyes as he stood up.

“I’m decent now,” he said once his trousers were back on.

“That’s debatable,” she quipped. “You’d better wash your hands, by the way.”

“Relax, I was going to.” Finn went over to the sink and started washing his hands, but he kept glancing back over at Rae.

“What?” she said.

“Your bubbles have shifted.”

She splashed water at him. “Get lost!”

“All right, I’m going,” he said as he headed for the door. “Have fun!”

***

Rae came downstairs in her pyjamas and housecoat to find Finn alone on the sofa, watching television. “Where is everyone?” she asked him as she sat down at the other end.

Finn shrugged.

“Look,” she added, “I wasn’t… doing anything… when you walked in on me in the bath.”

She could see him smile out of the corner of his mouth. “If you say so,” he said.

“I wasn’t!”

“It’s not a big deal,” he continued. “I do it every time I shower.”

“Ugh, TMI.”

“How is that TMI? I’ve literally had sex with you in that shower. I’ve jizzed on your back in that shower.”

“Jesus Christ, could you not say that so loud?”

“Why, is it a secret?”

“It should be!”

“There’s no one else here,” he said.

“Still,” she said, trying not to laugh at the situation. “You don’t need to broadcast it.”

“Newsflash,” he said loudly as he cupped his hands around his mouth. “I’ve jizzed on Rae’s—”

She picked up one of the cushions from the sofa and hit him with it.

He laughed. “Ow. Okay, sorry.”

“Anyway, I wasn’t doing anything,” she insisted, tucking her feet up onto the sofa and hugging the cushion into her chest. “I haven’t had to do that since you and I broke up.” She flashed him a condescending smile.

“Don’t act like I didn’t thoroughly satisfy you,” he said. “You’re not that good of a liar.”

“You’re so full of yourself.”

“Yeah, and you were so full of me, too.”

She surprised herself by laughing. “That’s gross.”

“Whatever, you loved it.”

She laughed again and kicked his leg a couple of times, but he grabbed her foot on the second kick and threatened to tickle her if she continued. “No!” she said, pulling her foot back. “You know I hate being tickled.”

“I do know that,” he said. “I’ve got insider knowledge that I can use against you.”

“It’s not fair, though, ‘cause you’re not ticklish.”

He shrugged and spread his arms across the back of the sofa, so she reached over and starting trying to tickle his side, but he just shook his head. “Nothing,” he said.

She tried tickling harder, and then lighter—the light touches were the most ticklish for her—and then she was kneeling on the sofa, bent over him, trickling her fingertips all over his chest and stomach.

“Nope,” he said.

“God, I hate you,” she said, defeated, as she sat back up.

“You know I need to retaliate now, right?”

“What?”

“You just tried to attack me.”

“But I was unsuccessful.”

“That’s not my problem.”

Rae tried to get up and escape before he could get her, but he grabbed her by the arms and pulled her back down. “Finn, don’t,” she said sternly, looking him square in the eye.

“Sorry, I just… I have to,” he said before he wrapped his arms around her to hold her in place as he tickled her back and sides.

She hated that she always laughed when he did that, because she really didn’t like being tickled, but it made it sound like she was having a good time. “Come on, stop it,” she said between bouts of laughter.

“I will once you admit what you were doing in the tub.”

“I was having a bath!”

“And…?” He kept tickling her.

“All right, fine, I was…”

“You were what?”

“Masturbating, okay? Are you happy now?” she said.

He stopped tickling, but was still hugging her. “Elated,” he said. “And a little turned on.”

“Ugh, that’s enough.” She pushed him away and he let go, laughing. She scowled at him but wound up laughing a little, too.

“What’s so funny?” Chop asked when he came downstairs.

“Oh, nothing,” said Finn, stifling his laughter.

“Yeah,” Rae added, “nothing.”

***

“Oh, hi, May,” said Denise when she and Finn walked into the lounge.

“It’s Rae,” Rae corrected as she was channel-surfing.

“Right, sorry.”

“It’s all right, Dennis.”

“Um, it’s Denise, actually.”

Rae stared at her blankly. “What did I say?”

“Dennis,” said Denise.

“Oh, shit, sorry about that,” Rae said insincerely.

“I didn’t realize anyone else would be home right now,” said Finn. “We were going to watch football… Do you not have class now?”

“Nope,” said Rae, pretending to be oblivious that they wanted the room to themselves.

“Where are you usually at this time?” he asked.

“Next-door.”

“But today you’re…?”

“Here.”

“Right…”

She stopped channel-surfing and looked up at them. “Sorry, did you want me to leave?”

“Oh, no, Rae, we’re not kicking you out of your own home,” Denise said, elbowing Finn in the side.

“Yeah, of course not,” he said. “Just, if you’re not watching anything, could we watch football?”

“You can watch with us, Rae,” Denise added.

“Nah, I don’t really like football,” Rae replied, getting up from the sofa. “But Finn knows that. We don’t have anything in common, right, Finn?” She slapped him on the shoulder as she walked past.

He followed her to the front door. “Look, I didn’t mean to kick you out or anything.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I’ll just go next-door and do something you hate.”

“I don’t _hate_ Charles.”

She raised her eyebrows at him and laughed. “You cheeky bastard!”

He smiled, obviously pleased with his joke. “Later, Rae.”

***

“I wasn’t expecting you until later,” Charles said when he answered the door to find Rae standing on his front step.

“Is now a bad time?” she asked. “I could come back later.”

“No, just, we’ll have to hang out in my room, ‘cause Gavin’s watching football in the lounge,” he said.

“Of course he is,” she muttered under her breath.

She followed him up to his room where she immediately sat on his bed.

“Do you want to watch something on my computer?” he asked as he sat next to her.

“No,” she said, picking up his hand and holding it between hers.

“Do you want to play a board game?” he continued. “I think we have Cluedo.”

“You can’t play Cluedo with two people, can you?”

“I guess not…” he said. “Do you want to—”

She kissed him to make him shut up, this time.

“Whoa,” he said when she tried to slip him the tongue. “It’s the middle of the afternoon.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of ‘afternoon delight’?” she said.

“What?”

“It’s a song that you don’t sing with your niece.”

“I… haven’t got a niece.”

“No, it’s… It’s a joke,” she said. “From _Arrested Development_.”

“Oh,” he said, though he still looked confused.

Finn would have gotten the reference, she thought.

***

“I just can’t believe that he kicked me out of my own house just so he could spend time with his new girlfriend,” Rae complained as Charles kissed the side of her neck.

He stopped and looked at her. “Yeah, what a dick, I guess.”

“Did you know I called her ‘Dennis’?” she added once he’d resumed kissing the top of her bare chest.

“Who?”

“Denise. I called her ‘Dennis.’”

“Why would you do that?” he asked, like he was only half-interested and would rather be having sex than talking about this.

“To make her think I’d forgotten her name,” she replied. “She called me ‘May’ first, though, so I think I was justified.”

“Mm-hmm.” He kissed her mouth, presumably to keep her from talking, but it didn’t work.

“And now they’re over there watching football or making out or whatever,” she continued. “Meanwhile I’ve been exiled.”

Charles stopped what he was doing again and rolled onto his side next to her. “You consider spending time with me to be exile?”

She laughed a little. “Of course not, I just wish I’d had the option to stay in my own house today. I mean, I’d still have chosen to come here, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“But it’s nice to have the freedom to choose, right?”

“You’re right,” he said, giving her another kiss. “I’m sorry.”

She parted her legs as he climbed back on top of her. “I hope they aren’t misusing the lounge,” she added just as he was getting into position.

He stopped again. “What?”

“It’s a common space,” she said. “I don’t want to think about their bodily fluids all over the seat cushions, now, do I?”

“Can we stop talking about your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend for, like, five minutes?” he said. He sounded irritated.

“Right, sorry,” she said. “I’ll shut up. Shutting up now. No more talk—”

He kissed her again.

***

“Hey, there,” said Finn, standing in the doorway of his room as Rae came through the front door one morning. “Look who’s doing the walk of shame.”

“I’ve done nothing I’m ashamed of,” Rae replied, arms folded. “Except you.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” he said, clasping his hand to his chest like he’d just been wounded, but smiling. “What are you doing up so early on a Saturday, anyway?” he asked.

“I could ask you the same question,” she said.

“I went for a run.”

“Ugh, that sounds awful.”

“You really should try it some time; it’s fun.”

“I haven’t run since I was a child, and I’m much fatter now than I was then, so I don’t expect the results to be any better.”

“What about just a nature walk?” he said. “You know, there’s a nice park near here. It’s got a trail.”

“Walking’s not so bad,” she said. “I can do walking.”

“How about tomorrow morning? You, me, walk in the park?”

“What time…?” she asked skeptically.

“Six?”

She scoffed.

“Eight?”

She raised her eyebrows like he was talking nonsense.

“Ten?”

“Bright and early, then,” she said with a smile.

***

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” Rae complained as she trudged alongside Finn towards the park.

“We’ve only just left the house and already you’re complaining,” he said.

“It’s just so sunny.”

“It’s called ‘daylight’ and it’s good for you.”

“If I get a sunburn because of you…”

“The path is lined with trees, you’ll be fine.”

“Why are there so many people out and about?” she asked. “It’s Sunday morning; they should all be sleeping or in church.”

“Or sleeping in church,” he said with a laugh.

“The best of both worlds.”

“Come on,” he added as she started to slow down, “the park’s just over there.”

“I’m bored already,” she said.

“Nature walks are interesting, though. You get to see all sorts of trees and animals and people…”

“I hate all of those things.”

“Yes, you’re such a misanthrope, Rae.”

“That’s a big word for you,” she teased. “But I guess you’re smarter now that you’re sleeping with your tutor.”

“She’s not my tutor anymore,” he said.

“So she doesn’t quiz you in bed? ‘What’s the difference between an acute angle and an obtuse angle?’” she said in a fake voice.

“I’m not doing Maths this term.”

“It was just an example.”

“She doesn’t help me study anymore, we’re just… We just hang out,” he said.

“In your bedroom.”

“Sometimes. We do other stuff, too.”

“Does she like going for runs?” Rae asked.

“No…”

“Okay, ‘cause I thought part of the reason we broke up was that I didn’t like doing the same things as you, like running.”

“Denise and I are just having fun, all right? It’s not serious.”

“All right, fine…”

“Come on, let’s go down and walk along the river,” he said, reaching for her hand.

She pulled free of his grasp as a reflex.

“Sorry, I forgot…”

***

When Rae got back to the house with Finn, she was surprised to see Charles sitting in the lounge, chatting with the rest of her housemates.

“Here she is,” said Chop when she walked in. “We were worried something had happened to ya.”

“We just went for a walk in the park,” she said. She took a few steps towards Charles and added, “What are you… doing here?”

“I texted you earlier, but you didn’t respond,” he said. “So I came by to check on you, and these guys said you were out or something, but that I could wait for you here, and… that’s what I did.”

“Well, I need to shower,” she said to him. “Are you just going to wait here?”

“Um, I guess.”

“Okay…” Rae nodded hesitantly before heading upstairs to shower.

When she got out of the shower and returned to her room, she found Charles sitting on her bed, apparently waiting for her there.

“I thought you were going to wait downstairs,” she said.

“I think we should talk, Rae,” he said as he stood up.

“That’s a bit ominous,” she replied, holding her towel around herself tightly.

“No, it’s not… I’m not breaking up with you,” he added. “I’m just concerned about you spending so much time with Finn.”

“Um, you can’t tell me who I’m allowed to spend time with.”

“Of course not, that’s not what I’m saying, just… You’ve been spending a lot more time with him lately,” he said. “And when you’re not with him, you’re talking about him.”

“And that… bothers you…”

“A little.”

“Okay, I won’t talk about him anymore…” she said. “Even if it’s just to complain about what a dickhead he is, I won’t mention him at all.”

“You can mention him, just… Sometimes when you complain about him and his girlfriend, it sounds like you’re jealous.”

“Pfft! I’m not jealous.”

“Fine.”

“Listen to me,”—she put her hands on the sides of his face—“I’m not jealous of _Dennis_ , okay? Finn and I are just friends now.” She pressed her lips to his. “I promise, I’m over it.”

“Okay…” he said, hooking his finger around the top of her towel. He gave it a small tug and it started to fall away from her, so she held onto it again.

“Hey, now,” she said. “It’s barely even lunch time.”

“What? Haven’t you heard of a nooner?”

***

“Hey,” Finn said to the girls when he walked through the lounge.

“Have a good run?” Rae asked him as she sat on the sofa while Izzy painted her toenails. (She was going to paint Izzy’s in return for the favour.)

“Yeah, fine,” he said without enthusiasm before heading upstairs to shower.

“What’s up with him?” she asked the other girls once he’d left.

“He’s been in a mood all week,” said Chloe, blowing on her fingernails to make them dry faster. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“Not really…” said Rae. She hadn’t seen him much the past week.

“It’s probably because he broke up with Denise,” Izzy said seriously.

“He did?”

“You didn’t know?” Chloe said.

“He didn’t tell me.”

“I thought you two were friends again.”

“I thought so, too…” said Rae. “So, did she dump him, or what?”

“No, I think he broke up with her.”

“So why is he the one in a mood, then?”

“Breakups suck no matter what, Rae,” said Izzy.

“Yeah, I guess…”

***

Rae still didn’t know why Finn hadn’t told her about his breakup, so she decided to confront him by waiting for him in his room after his shower.

“Jesus Christ, Rae, you scared the shit out of me,” he said when he got there to find her leaning against his desk.

“You took an awfully long time,” she said to him. “I figured you’d be too upset to…” She made a jerking off motion with her hand in the air.

He scowled at her. “What are you talking about? And why are you here?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’d broken up?” she asked, ignoring his questions.

“Ah.” He ran his hand through his wet hair to keep it from getting matted down. “I didn’t… want you to think it had anything to do with you.”

“Why would I think it had something to do with me?”

“Because it did,” he said without looking at her.

“What?”

“It wasn’t fair for me to string her along when I’m not over you yet.”

“How can you not be over me?” she said, looking down at her feet. “You’re the one who ended it.”

“Yeah, but not because I stopped loving you!” He was raising his voice. “You’re the one who doesn’t love me anymore—”

“Of course I still love you!” She was raising her voice now. “I do; I love you, Finn, I’m just not right for you.”

A look of concern spread across his face. “What do you mean, you’re not right for me?”

“You said yourself that we don’t do enough stuff together,” she said. “And Charles said that we didn’t have much in common—”

“Wait, so it was Charles who told you that you weren’t right for me?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“The guy who kissed you while you still had a boyfriend?”

“Yes…”

“The guy who’s currently fucking you?”

“Jeez, Finn! Do you have to be so crass?”

“I’m just saying, do you think maybe he had a motive for wanting us to break up?” he said.

“Yeah, I get it,” she said. “But I’d been having doubts anyway. I mean, I had a crush on another guy, Finn. That doesn’t sound ‘all in’ to me.”

“So what?”

“So what? What do you mean, so what?”

“I can deal with you having crushes on other people—that’s normal,” he said. “What I can’t deal with is you acting on those crushes because you’d rather be with them than me. You can’t choose to have a crush or not, but you can choose what you do about it. That’s what I care about; the choice you made.”

She couldn’t stand the way he was talking to her—so angry—but she managed not to cry. “You think I’d rather be with him than you?” she said. “You’re the one that I want—and no, I’m not trying to quote _Grease_ , it just happened by accident—I would rather be with you than anyone else, but I don’t have enough to give you.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t have enough…?”

“You asked if I could be all in with you, and I said that I couldn’t. Because, as much as I love you, you have so much more to offer than I do.”

“Rae…” he said. “You know that’s crap, right?”

“You’re so much better than I am, Finn. In pretty much every way, except maybe at school, though since you’ve got a tutor you might be better at that, too, and—”

“Bullshit.”

“You’re more friendly and outgoing, you’re more considerate, you’re better-looking, you have more interesting hobbies,” she said. “And I think you have a greater capacity for love than I do.”

“What makes you think that?”

“It’s so much harder to love me than it is to love you, so you must be better at it than I am.”

“Jesus, Rae… Where did you get this idea that you’re harder to love? That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m mean and I’m closed-off and I’m gross and—”

“You’re none of those things, Rae,” he said, taking a few steps towards her. “And it’s not hard to love you. In fact, it’s impossible for me not to. That’s the problem.”

“What are you saying?”

“I thought I could just be your friend, but I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Oh…”

“So, maybe we should...”—he put his hand on her arm—“…try to avoid each other.”

She could feel a lump forming in her throat.

“At least until I can get over you,” he added. “And vice versa, I guess.”

“Okay…” She nodded tightly. “I’ll just… leave, then.”

***

“Rae?”

Rae was surprised to see Charles waiting for her in the lounge when she left Finn’s room. He was just about the last person she wanted to see at the moment.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, following her towards the stairs.

“I don’t feel like it right now,” she replied as she climbed the steps two at a time.

“I’m afraid it can’t wait.” He trailed her to her room where he stopped her from slamming the door in his face. “Look,” he began as she climbed into her bed and pulled the covers over her head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you were talking pretty loudly at some points, and… And I know you told him that you love him.”

“Go away,” she shouted through the covers.

“Not until I’ve said what I need to say.” He pulled the covers back so he could talk to her directly. “I’ve decided that I can’t be with you anymore.”

She sat upright. “What?”

“I thought I’d be all right as your rebound, but I’m not,” he said. “I can’t be with you when you’d rather be with him.”

“That’s… not fair,” she said.

“How is that not fair?”

“Just because I still love him now doesn’t mean I always will, right? You just need to give me some time to—”

“I’ve already given you two months, Rae,” he said.

“But he just said he doesn’t want to see me anymore, and now you… You just…”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”

She didn’t say anything else as he left, but started to cry once he was gone. She didn’t think he was the one she was sad about, though.

***

Rae skipped all her classes for a week, and barely left her bedroom at all. She did manage to get downstairs occasionally for provisions, but she only went in the middle of the night—her sleep schedule was all messed up, so she was up most of the night and asleep most of the day.

It meant that she was usually awake in the early morning, though; right around the time that Finn would go for his run. He’d been going every day for the past week, she noticed from her window. She knew he tended to run more when he was stressed, but she didn’t know why he’d be so stressed about this. He was the one who’d double broken up with her. He’d won. Again.

He wanted time away from her, and he got it. Meanwhile she felt like the world’s biggest idiot. Why did she agree to avoid him? Why didn’t she argue with him about it? Tell him it was stupid. That if they both love each other so much, they should just be together. That the thought of not seeing him every day from now until the end of time made her whole body ache.

She looked at the time on her phone. Six-thirty. He’d be going for his run any minute. She waited by the window until she saw him leave the house and start jogging in the direction of the park.

Without even giving it another moment of thought, she threw on some semi-clean clothes and her trainers and went downstairs. By the time she got out the front door, Finn was nowhere to be seen. But she knew where he was going.

She ran as fast as her legs would carry her towards the park. Her lungs started to hurt pretty quickly, but she didn’t care—she had to catch up with him.

She spotted him heading in the direction of the trail by the river and called out his name, but he was wearing earbuds and didn’t hear her, so she continued to chase him.

“Finn!” she called out again as she got closer. “Finn!”

He slowed to stop and pulled out one of his earbuds as he turned around. “Rae?” he said as she caught up to him, completely out of breath. “What are you doing?”

“I… I can’t…” She held up one finger because she had to take a moment to catch her breath. “Oh my god… I hate running,” she finally said.

“Then why were you running?” he asked.

“Because… I don’t want… to avoid you,” she said. “You’re my best friend… And I love you.”

He looked confused. “Okay…”

“Look… I ran for you. I wouldn’t run to save myself from zombies, but I ran just to see you. Because I can’t not see you anymore.”

“It’s too hard, Rae,” he said. “I can’t be friends with you right now.”

“I don’t want to just be friends with you. I want all of you,” she said. “And I want you to have all of me. All that I have to offer. I’m all in, Finn, even though I realize I might not be enough for you.”

“Is this just because Charles dumped you?”

“He dumped me because I’m in love with you. He’s not the reason I’ve been depressed all week.”

“I don’t know what to tell you…” he said.

She held onto the sides of his t-shirt. “Just tell me that you’re all in, too.”

“I wish I could, but—”

“But what? What, Finn?” she asked frantically. “I’ll do anything, what is it?”

He lifted his hand towards hers, holding it open, like he was waiting for her to take it.

She let go of his shirt and interlaced her fingers with his, squeezing his hand, and he kissed her.

“You’re enough, Rae,” he said once their lips parted. “You’re more than enough.”

She smiled and kissed him back—she didn’t care about all the people walking their dogs who could see them.

“You look like you could use a shower, though,” he added with a laugh. “And I think I could use one too…”


End file.
